when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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