I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
