Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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