I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
