I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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