Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm bleeding and have questions
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
