i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
