So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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