Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
