Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
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