3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
