Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this hospital has no fireball
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
