I feel like abortions should bother me more
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
