I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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