I accidentally had phone sex last night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
