I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
