Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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