I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
