i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
