I'm gonna have a badass scar
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
