return my video game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
