i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
