I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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