If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
