3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
