We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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