i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize