She is in my trunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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