I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My bed smells like the plague
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
