Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
