I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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