I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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