I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
