You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
