ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
