Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
