Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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