If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
