I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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