i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
