I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
