if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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