Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just pynch a tree in the face
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
