you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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