i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
