I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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