I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
