The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
