one two three fourrrrnication!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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