he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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