I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
