how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Non-Jews are for practice
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
