At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
