He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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