Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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