She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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