Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
