New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
