I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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