I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
