I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i need to put some appletini on your dick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
