so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
