im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
