my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
