I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
